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| Damn it to hell! Addictions suck and the truth can ruin a great fantasy! As I sit here craving nicotine, sucking on but another hard candy (Oy, this is why people gain weight when they try to stop smoking!!!) Shit, what was I going to say? Something earth shattering and life changing I'm sure. Oh yeah ... I don't mind my addiction to smokes. Well, other than the fact that they have become too expensive, I cough too much, nicotine is a depressant and it exasperates an already existing medical condition, I love smoking! Hell, it keeps me from eating out of boredom (food is another addiction) It makes an unbearable day worth getting through. Counting the minutes, hours, until I can have my next cigarette to calm my fried nerves. Inhaling deeply to keep my brain from opening my mouth to scream out how much I hate what I am doing. This isn't the first time I've tried to quit. Heck, I've quit three times in the last two years. Not by choice, per se, but by circumstance. I miss having that cylindrical implement in my hand. Gripped tightly between my index and middle finger or hanging loosely from my lips ... Smoke curling about my head like a halo, burning my eyes. I would write paragraphs, then sit back, lite a smoke and read what I'd written, editing as I went along. Writing and smoking go hand in hand, like caffeine and nicotine. Or at least it does for me. I can't say I will be successful this time. Cold turkey is a tough way to do anything. Who knows, it may stick! Or I'll be back in the embrace of one of my personal demons. Either way, I'm developing a taste for hard candy and that chipped tooth ...Oh, that'll stop hurting in a day or two. |